diary celebrity: Spike TV's 2009 "Guy's Choice Awards" (May 30th)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Spike TV's 2009 "Guy's Choice Awards" (May 30th)

Winners list:

GUY OF THE YEAR
Mickey Rourke

MAN KIND AWARD
Judd Apatow

BRASS BALLS
Clint Eastwood

BALLSIEST BAND
Metallica

FUNNIEST M.F.
Sacha Baron Cohen

GUY MOVIE HALL OF FAME
"Fight Club"

BIGGEST ASS KICKER
Jason Statham

SEXIEST SIREN
Katy Perry

MOST UNSTOPPABLE JOCK
LeBron James

COMEDY SAVANT
Jason Segel

MOST DANGEROUS MAN
Brock Lesnar

DECADE OF HOTNESS
Halle Berry

HOT N' FRESH
Malin Akerman

HOTTEST 'MILA'
Mila Kunis

BEST BUSH
Will Ferrell

FEMME FATALE
Angelina Jolie

DEADLIEST WARRIOR
Christian Bale

BIG MEN ON CAMPUS
Florida Gators

GUITAR GOD
Eddie Van Halen

BEST UNSUPPORTED ROLE
Kate Winslet

SEXIEST ATHLETE
Biba Golic

TOP FANTASY LEAGUER
Dwyane Wade

HOTTEST GIRL ON THE PL! ANET
Megan Fox

MOST MAN-TICIPATED MOVIE
Inglorious Basterds

OUTSTANDING LITERARY ACHIEVEMENT
Russell Brand

PLAY OF THE YEAR
Ben Roethilsberger/Santonio Holmes

Metallica for "Ballsiest Band"? Ok. The Fight Club for "Guy movie Hall of Fame"? Actually, it just goes into the "Movies Hall of Fame", not just for guys. Period.

"Sexiest Siren"/"Femme Fatale" stand for the same thing I guess... And for Angelina Jolie, I can understand it, but Katy Perry? No way.

The "Decade of Hotness" award to Halle Berry is fine, she's gorgeous, but now they're just getting gross because they're eyes are rolling and they're jerking off so bad they can't even say a word.

So what else could t! hey think about? The producers couldn't speak while masturbating until one misterious short word came out... along with... that. You know.
"HOT".
The word is "HOT".
"OH, HEY GUYS, I HAVE A GREAT IDEA!!! You know there's two famous Mila's: Mila Jovovich and Mila Kunis, right? Why don't we make the other horney sick guys choose who's hotter? I think the Russian is waaaaaaaaay hotter than the Croatian, I mean, did you guys see her in The Fifth Element with nothing but those white straps on and the red hair? Woooohoooo!!!"
So the category "Hottest 'Mila'" came out and people chose Mila Kunis. If I had to choose, I don't know, I mean, they're both beautiful and different women. I'd pick them both and worry more about they would ever choose me for a start...

But these brainless guys had to go on! with the word HOT and they had to make up an excuse to give Megan Fox something, you know, because she doesn't have a brain, she doesn't want to have one, and she doesn't even mind showing us she'd like to have a brain, so she just shows off and that's enough for the world. Noone asks for more, she gets paid millions and everything's cool. Right?
Still, these guys had to give Megan Fox something, because she's in right now. That, of course, before she gets knocked up, looses her beautiful body, gets on drugs and... sorry, that was Britney.
So they made up the "Hottest girl on the planet" award. How original of you guys!!!

Oh, no, wait WAIT. That's not all. I'm not done yet. No.
Russell Brand (yes, you know the jackass I'm talking about) got the award for "Outstanding literary achievement". That's like giving it to Stephenie Meyer! FUCK OFF!!!